Ever since my acceptance I have been over-joyed...floating on air, my desire to do as God has willed is finally coming true *tires screech* which means, wait a second... This means that I must die. Not physically die, but die of myself. What I have built up to be (worked my tail off is more like it), what others perceive of me, AND everything that I thought I might be. I literally have to create a new slate__erase EVERYTHING that I know now, and prepare myself to learn everything that will be thrown my way.
I had trouble with this at first, thinking,well you can still hold onto your life, you have pictures, you have plays, you have things that make you YOU...surely you can take some of those things with you when you enter.
I was slightly mistaken. I am only to bring those things that will better me as a Sister, those things that will help me to grow into my new life...my new identity. I must prepare myself for this death of self...and eagerly (yet patiently) wait for the birth of a new self. This is done yearly at lent, you let go of some vices in order to prepare your heart for the rising of Jesus, so that you may better understand his agony and the scourging that he had to go through. But to totally give up ones-self, for Him___ just takes your breathe away.
2 comments:
It is an amazing thought. We are giving our entire lives over to Christ. Allowing Him to change us and to mold us. I think we will take all that we have learned, good and bad with us. I know for me I am so excited to learn. You are in my daily prayers! :D
My dearest Crystal -- Sunshine of the Lord,
I am definitely praying with you and rejoicing with you -- through the entire process. The leaving behind of everything is a good first step -- to concentrate on the intimacy between you and the Lord. It's like a true courtship -- one day at a time.
Lovingly in the Risen Lord,
Sr. Carmel Therese
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