Discern.... MEANT?

Let's take a look at the definition of DISCERNMENT, shall we?

Definition according to Webster's Dictionary:  The act or proces of exhibiting keen insight and good judgement.

Okay, What?

As I have been "discerning" religious life, or actually-- life in general, for about 10 years now, I am going to try to break this definition down. TRY being the optimal word.

When I think of discernment, I think of well...thinking. But not thinking about what is for dinner, or how something works...no, thinking about life. Truly trying to understand where we came from, and what our plan is for this life. Sound's simple, right? Unfortunately, discernment leads you down some very confusing paths.

The discernment of whether or not you are called to religious life is of no exception. Actually, some would even say it is the most confusing path of discernment one could take.
Let me digress. During my path I have spoken with via email or phone, about 35 different orders and congregations--this is actually rounding down. Out of those 35, I visited about 11. After visiting each of them, I came back to my discernment, with different charism's, apostolates, and prayer lives. Talk about confusing. How am I supposed to know which way of life is perfect for me? They are all so beautiful, and so unique.
Then you start to rule out different ways of life: Cloistered--beautiful and intriguing, but, um...I could never do that.
Active--- but how active, I don't want to join an order that seems to work but never has time for prayer.
okay--- new google search.
Now do I want to be a franciscan, dominican, felician, salesian, carmelite---That's a whole other path that we shall not dive into at this time.

Of course while you are getting frustrated with being confused about where God is calling, the possibility of married life pops back up. Honestly, if dating is a feasibility for you, try it--- you learn things about yourself, and about marriage, dating helps you discern. Believe it or not.

This just the start of a continiuos cycle, and mine has lasted 10 years, with still little to no knowledge of where God wishes me to live out my earthly existance
. HOW DO YOU REALLY KNOW?
You don't really ever know, you just have to trust that if this is of God--- then it will happen. Whatever path that may be.

The facts about discernment that I can leave you with are:
1. Pray, pray, pray. Take your thoughts to the Blessed Sacrament, and spend time in silence--try to listen to +God. This is hard today, with so many distractions, but if you learn to listen discernment gets a little easier, just a little ;)
2. Know the differences between cloistered and noncloiistered, Monastic, contemplative, active--- and all the varied combinations there-in. Once you know the differences, you can discern more thoroughly what type of orders you might feel more comfortable in.
3. IF you don't know about an order--- try it. Go to a discernment retreat, a come and see week, or arrange a visit on your own. Don't be afraid to ask questions and to make mistakes--- you aren't a sister/nun yet, all is forgiven.
4. If you still aren't sure that you have a call to the religious life. Date. I know this sounds counter productive, but like I said before, You will learn a lot about yourself and interpersonal skills, you will also get a taste for married life. Don't just date once and say okay, God I hated that, but date for at least a month--- and try not to think of religious life.
5. God is guiding and leading you. Just trust enough to let go of who you think you are and become who God truly wishes you to be!

I look forward to continuing this blog with you.
Prayers my dear friends, and I will write soon!

I am back!

     To my readers: I apologize for having been gone for so very long.

When I had entered with The School Sisters of St. Francis, I had to close down all of my social media sites, including tumblr, blogspot, and facebook. After, I left the convent (more on this story later) I quickly found a job as a live-in nanny for a family with 3 boys, 2 with Autism.
I worked with this family for 6 months before deciding that I need more time to discern where God is calling me. That job was close to 60 hours a week, barely enough time to sleep let alone pray. So, I returned back to my families home in Baltimore and was lucky enough to secure employment at a coffee shop--- YAY for having past experience as a barista!

I am now starting to discern religious life again, this time with a lot more fervor and a more definitve answer that "YES, I am called to religious life!"

Now to find my home on this earth!


Let the journey begin....Again.


God Bless You all!

Death to New Life

Ever since my acceptance I have been over-joyed...floating on  air, my desire to do as God has willed is finally coming true *tires screech* which means, wait a second... This means that I must die. Not physically die, but die of myself. What I have built up to be (worked my tail off is more like it), what others perceive of me, AND everything that I thought I might be. I literally have to create a new slate__erase EVERYTHING that I know now, and prepare myself to learn everything that will be thrown my way.

I had trouble with this at first, thinking,well you can still hold onto your life, you have pictures, you have plays, you have things that make you YOU...surely you can take some of those things with you when you enter.

I was slightly mistaken. I am only to bring those things that will better me as a Sister, those things that will help me to grow into my new life...my new identity. I must prepare myself for this death of self...and eagerly (yet patiently) wait for the birth of a new self. This is done yearly at lent, you let go of some vices in order to prepare your heart for the rising of Jesus, so that you may better understand his agony and the scourging that he had to go through. But to totally give up ones-self, for Him___ just takes your breathe away.

My Home!

The Shrine Daytime!

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The Shrine at night :D

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"Offer it up" ???

Life is very interesting these days. I am now an assistant 2nd grade Catechist at my parish AND am the Respect Life Co-ordinatoor (you email the archdiocese about one thing and you wind up having a title?). I am very excited about both of these things, quite excited about everything that is going on in my life...but something inside me seems off balance.

I often feel like hopping a plane and going to Texas, like right NOW--- part of me wishes I lived closer to my new home! It is so far away and so expensive to travel all willy nilly.  This past week, for some reason has been especially hard...and I am really having a hard time explaining or understanding this. When I think of how far way entrance is, I start to tear up (its a great amount of time for family and friends, but for me...sooo long) wishing it were next week! 

My God-daughter and I will visit in April, and even that seems too far away. I guess it's probably because I have wanted to be with God in this way  for so long, and I am finally close to having it but it will NEVER be close enough, well maybe if it were next week it would be! 

I guess I will just have to offer up my yearning and continue on with the patience that God has graced me with---as hard as it might be! 

God Bless You ALL!

Superstah---no more

Yesterday my beloved "Superstar" key chain broke in half...all the letter beads that formed the word fell to the ground.


I am convinced that this is a further sign of my vocation, I am no longer striving for personal attention from others--- I am striving to give attention to those who might need it :D

Also, while cleaning out my files--- I found papers. Remember those papers that I thought I had put away, but couldn't find while filling out the application? Yes, those papers, God has a sense of humor, that's for sure!